My Watch list (Hollywood)

Here are a few movies I can watch over and over and over again, and the reasons why.

(1) Doubt

"Doubt can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone."

These opening lines were enough to floor me! I knew I was in for a treat when I heard these lines and was in no way disappointed. 'Doubt' created so many doubts in my mind, that I unhesitatingly rate it a masterclass!

The movie tracks a moral struggle in a school attached to a Catholic Church in the 1960s in NY, and at the center of it are the stern and unflinchingly conservative Principal, Sister Aloysius (played by Meryl Streep), the progressive minded priest Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman), the naive and innocent nun who's new to the teaching profession Sister James (Amy Adams), a young black student of the school Donald Miller, and last but far from the least, his mother Mrs. Miller (Viola Davis).

Sister Aloysius takes Father Flynn's open mindedness to be rebellion, and her suspicions are aroused when he preaches about doubt. Asked to remain on a lookout for any suspicious behavior by Father Flynn, the young Sister James gets a call during a class for Donald Miller, asking him to meet the Father in the rectory. Donald comes back inebriated, and when Sister James narrates the incident to Sister Aloysius, the latter is sure the student had been molested by the priest.

What follows is a series of confrontations between the two nuns and the priest, in which Sister Aloysius is hell-bent in making Father Flynn accede to wrong doing on his part by having an illicit relationship with a minor, Father Flynn steadfastly denies the accusations and Sister James is caught up in between, not knowing what to believe and whose side to take. Undoubtedly, the best scenes of the movie are when Sister Aloysius tells about her suspicions to Donald's mother, expecting her to be equally, if not more, concerned but in turn is stunned to see Mrs. Miller shrug off the matter as being non consequential to her son's school career, even if true. She argues that the priest is the only person who supports her son, and though he might have reasons of his own for the same, she is not bothered about them as long her son completes the year at the catholic school and is thereby eligible for a good high school.

The school principal finally has her way and blackmails the priest into quitting, though afterwards, she accepts that the whole incident has shaken the foundation of her beliefs, and that she is having doubts, so many of them.

A word about the performances, a major reason why this movie should be every drama fan's delight. Meryl Streep, as the strict catholic nun, is so terrific, that she makes you, at times, genuinely loathe her character's stubborn, relentless pursuit of a seemingly trifle incident. And finally you feel sorry for her, when she accepts that she's lost her beliefs, and breaks down, revealing that she has such doubts. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams too completely deserve the Oscar nominations they had got for their renditions of Father Flynn and Sister James respectively but the person who walks away with most of the accolades is undoubtedly Viola Davis. Playing an unconventional mother ready to push known boundaries for her son's happiness, she plays her character with such authenticity, that the 5 minutes of her presence in the movie, become the most riveting, without a DOUBT!

Watch this one if you haven't already and I am certain you wont regret it! More movies to follow!

And when your mind plays tricks...(Part1/3)

Part 1

Last few days had been tough for Arjun. The reason was not the new Chemistry tuition he was having a difficult time at, or the assignments at school; neither the impending CBSE 12th standard exams which were just 7 months away nor the numerous competitive exams that followed them. He had handled stress related to academics earlier; no, that was not it. The reason was something he never had experienced earlier. It was a trick. A dangerous, ugly and dirty trick his mind was playing on him.

It was only last week when he had first experienced it. He was studying for a class test at school the next week in his room, when he felt the need of going out to the balcony to take a breath of fresh air. There was a big mass of stone in the balcony, used as a support for the door, and Arjun noticed his pet kitty right below where he stood. All of a sudden, he felt this sudden urge to crush the cat by dropping the boulder near his feet on it. Of how all of a sudden he got this bizarrely sinister impulse, he had absolutely no idea! It was just as if someone had banged an iron rod hard on his head, and made him devoid of the ability to think for a few seconds. As soon as he came back to his senses in sometime, he dashed inside, locked the balcony door, and rushed downstairs to hug his pet, not daring to spare a thought for what prompted the action.
At dinner time, the same day, Arjun thought what had happened was just a scare; perhaps he was tired with the previous night's lack of sleep, or perhaps he had just been hallucinating in the evening. He changed into his night robes and went upstairs to his bed. On the way, he knocked at his sister's room, to bid her goodnight. She didn't answer, and when Arjun entered her room, he found her fast asleep. He turned back to head out of the room, as he would normally do seeing his sister asleep, but stopped midway. He abruptly thought of how defenceless she was, deep in slumber. "What if someone came in and tried to hurt her? Worse, say, murder her? Would I be able to hear her screams from the adjoining room? Why doesn't she lock her room before sleeping? Do I wake her up and ask her to do the same now?" These thoughts echoed around in Arjun's mind. He couldn't understand what was happening. He knew their house was perfectly safe and well guarded, and that it was not uncommon of his sister to sleep with the door unlocked. Why did he feel this way today? Was he still reeling under the continued effect of the impulses he felt in the evening? Arjun knew he desparately wanted some sleep. Something was amiss, and he didn't know what. He then didn't waste a single second in climbing onto his bed, and that was where the strange day ended for him.
"Arjun! Breakfast is ready, get up now. You have to receive your dad at the station at 10, remember?", Mrs Seth screamed for the umpteenth time from downstairs. Arjun finally woke up and yawned. Sundays were the best. Even in 12th standard. He had loads to study but before that he had to receive daddy from the railway station. Mr. Seth had been away on an official trip for a week, and was returning that day. Arjun completed his daily chores, had breakfast and took off to the station on his Honda Activa. He had almost forgotten the strange thoughts that were bothering him the previous day, but remembered them just as he was about to leave, when he saw his sister coming downstairs for breakfast. He shrugged it off rather easily, the broad daylight making the events of the day before seem miles behind him.
Finally, the announcement was made for Rajdhani Express. It was an hour late, and was arriving on platform  number 4. Arjun made his way towards the platform, and as was his habit, peeped at the incoming train, which was pretty far away and was slowly chugging along, from the edge of the platform. However, quite unanticipatedly, the erratic thoughts he had been having the previous day returned to haunt him. "What if I fall down onto the tracks and get stuck? What if no one tries to help me? Would I die if I were run over by the train? What if I manage to survive but lose a hand?" The train which till a few moments ago seemed like leisurely making its way towards the platform now seemed to scream with pace, and he felt a sudden impulse to jump onto the tracks. Shaken, and scared out of his wits, Arjun dashed off in the direction opposite to the railway tracks, his whole body shivering. He didn't even bother looking in the direction of the train till he was sure it marched past him, and could no more mow him down, now that he couldn't fall onto the tracks anymore.
By then, Arjun was sure that he had lost it. Something terrible was happening to him. Why these dark thoughts? What was going on in his head? Why, he had never had impulses like these ever before. Was he turning mad? "Arjun! Where on earth have you been? I was searching all over the platform for you! And what happened son? Why do you look pale? You alright?", Mr Seth exclaimed, finally finding Arjun. Arjun quietly took hold of his dad's bag, and meekly murmuring a few niceties, led his dad out of the station. He knew something was terribly, terribly wrong with him, and unfortunately, he knew not what.

This post is the first of 3 parts, and is based on OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I dedicate this entire piece of write up to a very cute dolphin I know, and adore! :)  

A Mountain's Whisper

Last few days have been damn eventful. Damn eventful, yes, and damn adventurous, damn arousing, damn funny, damn unforgettable and damn + any other related word in the dictionary. But this post is not meant for describing the details of the same. Naah! let's save that for another day. This post is for mentioning the nuances that could easily escape notice , and for the subtle lessons learnt from them.

Solitude. This particular word has interested me several times in the past. "Why do we prefer being alone sometimes? Is there an introvert in all of us, which wants to run away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives into some wilderness, never to return back? When we want to be alone, are we actually relishing the pain of being lonely as well?"

Most of the questions still remain unanswered, but these past few days have surely thrown light upon some of them, at least.

I had, for a good 7 days, no connection whatsoever to the outside world: no internet, no telephone network - our abode, the high hilly area being the culprit for the same. For most part of it, being in the company of my oldest and best friends, that hardly mattered, with all the fun and frolic and travelling. But when I occasionally strayed away by myself, sometimes at dusk, sometimes at the darkest hours of night; sometimes outside our lodging and sometimes tucked inside my blanket on the bed in my room, I could feel how vulnerable I was.

"What if no one actually tried to contact me? What if not a single soul even felt my absence? Apart from mom and dad, did anyone actually remember that I was on a tour? Does the fact that I am not around actually matter to anyone? What if I were killed in an accident here? Would anyone shed a tear? How did it matter? Do I die for attention everyday? Why do I have to think so much about what others think about me? Why do I care?" It was like the hills around me were crying out these questions, commanding an answer to each one of them.

I then tried to reply to a few of these queries. I sincerely gauged the importance of most relationships in my life, and the value I gave to most people I know. "Do I give too much worth to some people who don't actually matter in the larger picture of things? How about people who deserve much more attention than what they get from me?" Most of the answers gave me heartaches; and a couple of answers, real serious ones. The solitary time I spent with myself made me realize the value of my existence - in my eyes, and more importantly, in others'.
It was as if the mountain nearby was whispering about my insignificance in the state of things into my ear, and that hurt. Nothing beats the hurt brought about by the feeling of insignificance. Nothing at all.

The H Bomb!

I love it when people are angry - they emote without deceit. Similar with dreams; they might be about the craziest of circumstances, but if people we know are a part of any of our dreams, they are dealt with in a raw way. To elaborate, if you were a straight guy and you dreamt about Katrina Kaif you would hardly take a second before smooching her, even in front of a huge audience; and similarly if you hate your boss, you'd probably behead him by the 'Kedavra' spell using your wand without wasting any time in your dream, coz thats how you actually feel about them; though you probably wouldn't behave similarly when you are fully conscious of how you 'should' act in accordance with the 'ubiquitous society'.

Of course I want 'order'. I obviously don't feel Kat should be with half of India, and also don't want more than half of the managers in MNCs to be killed. That would be unjust and stupid. But what I am implying is, at least for a split second, we would accept the importance of unadulterated emotions. Emotions you have, and pretend you don't and vice versa. Similarly, relationships you are actually a part of; and those you are not. And that brings me to 'Hypocrisy'.

Ask a 100 people whether they are hypocrites, and invariably 90 would shake their heads in utter disapproval. Out of them 10 wouldn't even be knowing what it means, so I will ignore them. Now out of the remaining 80 cartoons, lets take a random sample. Say X and Y.

X and I used to board the same cab back home from office till sometime back. Not once did X forget to bitch about a supposed colleague of his who had been taking the cab right into his apartment complex in a remote lane, way adrift the prescribed route (much to X's dismay) till he changed his residence and hence stopped boarding X's cab (much to X's respite). I was the 1st drop for a few days, and was careful enough to get off the cab right on the main road though it engendered a tiring walk of another 10 minutes before I reached my home. As ill-luck would have it, after a month or so, I had to change my residence by a fair distance along the same route, and consequently became the last drop. To my horror, I saw X doing exactly what he loathed; without even a trace of shame, he took the cab almost into the bedroom of his isolated house every single day. Aint this hypocrisy? Please check the dictionary.

Y is a traditional 'Bharatiya Nari', she doesn't take a morsel without seeing her husband's empty plate and spends whatever free time she has, praying. Since his childhood, Y has been preaching about the magical effects of devotion to her son. He blindly accepted everything and earnestly humored her whims. Yesterday he came up to her and announced that he wanted to become a priest; and all hell broke loose in the household. His mother stopped eating, she's been crying uncontrollably for the past 2 days. Tomorrow what would she say to her neighbors? That her son is a mere priest? Yuk! that sucked for her. Now guys, don't tell me this is not the 'H' word.

The fact is, my dear people, you are being a perfect Hypocrite if you say you are not one. And there are no exceptions, not even one. I wholeheartedly accept I am one. Take, for example, the fact that I have hardly spoken more than a few words to some of my 'close friends' here in quite a few days as of now but hardly feel even a tiny amount of difference (and I know they don't as well), but still they are a part of my 'friend list' on Facebook, and will always be. I know I'll forget them when I leave this place as fast as I forgot most of my college buddies who I had swore not to lose touch with once, and still I have no qualms, coz I know its natural, though accepting it is 'mean'.

If we can accept that even an emotion as pure as love is selfish (come on! don't tell me that you would have loved your parents as much you do now had they made you work in a tea shop when you were eight because they were that poor; and that your parents would have loved you as much as they do now coz their child works in a MNC had you been a porn star by choice), then why not accept hypocrisy as much a part of us as the reactions to various external stimuli.

Ouch! that hurt right? Well I am glad I was damn angry when I wrote this, and so these are true, raw words.

Simplicity!

The doorbell rang for the second time. Robert was awake, well awake; but didn't get up to answer it. Of course he was not lazy enough not to budge, but plain didn't want to. Marta, the maid finally got up, and went to attend the call of her mistress, uttering a few curses obvious to come out when you are expected to welcome people home right out of your dreams.

Naina hurried herself into the hall, giving the usual cold stare at the late responder which the latter shrugged off with a 'like-I-care' attitude. She enquired if her 2 year old daughter had taken dinner and been put to bed, and verified the same by paying a visit to the toddler's room. Robert was 'asleep' upstairs but could feel his beloved's activities as clear as crystal, and awaited the right moment to shut his eyes back again. Couple of minutes later, he could hear a faint 'goodnight', which he knew signaled the end of the day for Marta and ten footsteps later, his eyelids had reinstated themselves in their most peaceful state.

Naina entered the room, checked on her husband, and went to the washroom to get into her night robes. A minute later she came out, messaged someone and got a reply back. Robert knew it was her colleague at work, the divorced guy who dropped her at the turn on their lane whenever she was late and needless to say, the guy he despised more than anyone else; at least for now. Not that Naina had kept it as a secret or something; in fact it was Robert who had advised her to ensure that she had company on her way back whenever she was late, and she always let him know beforehand that she'd return with the 'interloper'. As for the messages, he had checked them umpteen times earlier - harmless 'thank you' messages that he himself had taught his daughter to tell, to express gratitude. Also not that Robert came home in time every night, he was a Vice President in a renowned firm, and always gave the credit for his professional achievements to his understanding wife; but then why this feeling of mistrust? Surely its just a pathetic way of wanting to bring in complications into a seemingly idyllic life. Or was it?

Naina had been working as a marketing executive for quite some time now. Of course they'd had their share of ups and downs, but never before because of a third person. She was pretty, she had always been and he was proud of that.

It was just a couple of months back when this guy had joined as her manager that things changed, at least in Robert's mind. The first few days had Naina singing praises about her new manager's 'marketing skills', the next few blabbering about his stupid adventures in his heydays and the last few sympathizing about how hard marriage had been for him. She even had caught a tiny bit of resentment on her husband's face a couple of times during her stories, though then she had acted innocent enough to convince him of her ignorance about how Robert felt. "Why not ask her directly?" Robert had considered a couple of times, and one day had almost decided to do so, when his daughter fell ill and the couple took a day off to tend to her - Naina's profound concern for their symbol of love overwhelming him with warmth for her and guilt for his misgivings. But then again, few days later, she left no stones unturned in planning a 'stupendous' (as she had said) birthday surprise for the 'Other Man', gifting him a quality toxedo he had liked during one of their official visits to a store in the city. She was also foolish enough to gush about how he liked it and how he likened her to one of his early girlfriends who apparently gave him surprises every birthday.

"Are women stupid?", Robert's eyebrows almost touched each other in a frown. "I mean I know she can never ever think of hurting me and I am an idiot who had come up with the ridiculous idea of never hiding anything from each other and all that mushiness the first night together, but still she could at least hide her escapades". "Escapades? What is that supposed to mean now". Enough. Robert's eyelids gave way to the feisty glare from what lay within them. He could no longer pretend to be asleep. He had to get some fresh air. He silently lifted Naina's hand from over his chest, and fully convinced she was fast asleep, went downstairs to the hall and had a smoke. That relaxed him a bit, and he switched on the television, barely interested in the movie which was being telecast. But then there was this scene which had Diane Lane completely naked and thoroughly 'enjoying' her day out with a complete stranger that brought his interest back to what he was watching. "Isn't this movie "Unfaithful" or something ?" he murmured to himself. Yep it was the same and all of a sudden all of the stories of 'coincidences' and 'signs from above' that he had heard from when he was his daughter's age seemed unnervingly true. His heart was actually pounding now and he just lay back on the couch after having a glass of water. He knew he had to ask something very important to someone right the following morning, in a few hours from now, rather.

"Robert, you okay?". Naina's big beautiful eyes almost startled Robert. He looked around, the big hall clock told him that it was already 7 in the morning. "Yeah, I am fine, just wanted to watch the soccer match late at night, and slept off here". "No problem honey", she smiled. "Please wake up now and get ready, I have something exciting to tell you"."Oh is it?", replied Robert."Well, I have to tell you something as well". "Cool! go on! ", she gushed. "Naina, something is really bothering me".

"Mummyyyy", blurted out a sweet little girl from the room right next to the hall, and she came out rushing into her mom's arms, tugging along a cute pink dress with her."Can I wear this dress for tonight?", she rambled on. "Yes beta", Naina replied."Now go and get ready for school. Papa and I have to discuss something".The kid ran back to her room, leaving her parents alone."Is Soniya going somewhere tonight?", enquired Robert. "Yes, that was what I wanted to talk to you about. Manas is going to get engaged to his new girlfriend tonight. He told me only yesterday about it, and he wants us all to join him for the ceremony. He has invited very few people, because of the bad talk and all regarding his divorce, and we have to make it, Robert. Oh! I am so happy for him, you know; finally things are looking good for him on the personal front. Oh god! I forgot! you were saying something. Please go on Robert". Robert looked stumped. No, he was stumped. He stared blankly at Naina, pretty much open-mouthed. "Robert! honey tell me, everything ok?". "Uh-Oh! no Naina, I have cancer!" said Robert."What? Now why would you say that...", shouted Naina and Robert got a hard smack to his right shoulder."That is so not funny Rob, you almost gave me an attack; that is NOT FUNNY!" yelled Naina, and the two shared a tight hug, almost squeezing the air out of each other."Love you honey. Please stop scaring me like that. Someday I might kill you", Naina said. "You almost did honey, and I hate Star Movies",smiled Robert, looking up and thanking the heavens. It was nice to have simplicity back. Really nice.

Why blogging??...Why not earlier??...So why now??

@ Everyone!

Greetings!..Nice to put in some creative effort towards presenting before you my blog, almost a part of myself. I've always admired bloggers right from the start of my college days and though I had decided I'd never venture into this zone myself, but a very adamant co-blogger of mine better known as the moderator of " Same things are Different " literally pushed me into it. Therefore, after repeated attempts to shirk off this request/order/whatever, I finally gave in though I still believe the time isn't very right when actually I'm having loads of stuff to do ,including a project at I.I.T Kharagpur , preparing for management exams and desparately awaiting my date of joining from my hopefully to-be company, Mu-Sigma.

Now that I've finally taken a plunge into this world, I'll, as always give in my best and I hope my work is liked by all of you....

Adios!!....

Disclaimer!!

I, Sunil Panda, hereby swear that whatever I put in here is in no way related to any of the people I know (except of course, myself) and any similarity in the content presented here to anyone is purely coincidental and not intended. My blog is in no way an answer to anyone of you and please do keep away from my blog if you know it that I'd not want you to view it....I've nothing to prove to anyone!!!......All the same I heartily invite all my friends to take a sneak peek into "mon monde"...

Sayonara!!