A Mountain's Whisper

Last few days have been damn eventful. Damn eventful, yes, and damn adventurous, damn arousing, damn funny, damn unforgettable and damn + any other related word in the dictionary. But this post is not meant for describing the details of the same. Naah! let's save that for another day. This post is for mentioning the nuances that could easily escape notice , and for the subtle lessons learnt from them.

Solitude. This particular word has interested me several times in the past. "Why do we prefer being alone sometimes? Is there an introvert in all of us, which wants to run away from the hustle and bustle of our daily lives into some wilderness, never to return back? When we want to be alone, are we actually relishing the pain of being lonely as well?"

Most of the questions still remain unanswered, but these past few days have surely thrown light upon some of them, at least.

I had, for a good 7 days, no connection whatsoever to the outside world: no internet, no telephone network - our abode, the high hilly area being the culprit for the same. For most part of it, being in the company of my oldest and best friends, that hardly mattered, with all the fun and frolic and travelling. But when I occasionally strayed away by myself, sometimes at dusk, sometimes at the darkest hours of night; sometimes outside our lodging and sometimes tucked inside my blanket on the bed in my room, I could feel how vulnerable I was.

"What if no one actually tried to contact me? What if not a single soul even felt my absence? Apart from mom and dad, did anyone actually remember that I was on a tour? Does the fact that I am not around actually matter to anyone? What if I were killed in an accident here? Would anyone shed a tear? How did it matter? Do I die for attention everyday? Why do I have to think so much about what others think about me? Why do I care?" It was like the hills around me were crying out these questions, commanding an answer to each one of them.

I then tried to reply to a few of these queries. I sincerely gauged the importance of most relationships in my life, and the value I gave to most people I know. "Do I give too much worth to some people who don't actually matter in the larger picture of things? How about people who deserve much more attention than what they get from me?" Most of the answers gave me heartaches; and a couple of answers, real serious ones. The solitary time I spent with myself made me realize the value of my existence - in my eyes, and more importantly, in others'.
It was as if the mountain nearby was whispering about my insignificance in the state of things into my ear, and that hurt. Nothing beats the hurt brought about by the feeling of insignificance. Nothing at all.